What else could I be? I wish you were here to tell me. I can only look at myself as a mirror of the things I've seen and reflect something back at anyone who chooses to look into it. I can’t say how you had changed or who you were when it happened. A hopeless science fiction, that sounds like the sort of thing you would’ve really liked (like NGE, Vonnegut, Sturgeon, etc.).īut what do I know? We hadn’t spoken in a couple years. We ruined Earth and now we’re just running out the clock on the human race. This wasn’t by design - and I certainly don’t want anyone to do what you did - but the fact remains that I can’t really muster up any hope for the future of Earth or humanity. Maybe this record feels like it was made for you because it contains no hope or light. We were both lost - but I live on to continue wandering and try again. I’m mad at myself for not breaking through that wall for not being a better friend. I’m mad at you for never picking up your phone. It’s hard to see much through the veil of sadness but when I do it’s anger. Is that what you did? Is that what oblivion feels like? I guess I imagined a blind sage wandering off to a place where no one could follow him some imagined paradise that held no joy or relief but had to be sought out regardless. “We May Not Make it Through This” could’ve been about you or me or you and me. What’s another dead relation? What’s another song written in mourning? “Black Moon” was written about Eric and a little bit about Ben, “Desiccated Earth” was largely about falling out with Tariq, “His Body Danced” was based on songs written following Sandy’s death and sort of reconfigured to be about the whole human race dying out. Maybe I felt something like this coming or maybe I write this kind of stuff out of reflex. I didn’t write these songs about you or your passing but, jesus christ, I may as well have. I am deeply saddened that he won’t make our next appointment.” As we got older, we grew apart - as you do - but we’d still meet up every few years to catch up over too many drinks. He is the person who showed me the band Pixies, which changed my life and directly led me to where I am now. We spent a lot of time just goofing around, playing video games and listening to music. After that, we were pretty inseparable for a few years. I said “I like Punk Rock” and I heard a kid yell “YEAH” from across the room. “We met in the 7th grade when we were asked to introduce ourselves to the class. This is what I wrote the day that I found out you were gone: This is a cycle of songs heavily inspired by two literary trilogies - The Southern Reach Trilogy by Jeff VanderMeer and the Remembrance of Earth’s Past series by Cixin Liu - as well as the fact that I had so much more to say to you. How long has it been since I felt whole?) How long has it been since I saw the sun? I was so certain that it was another world until my eyes changed and I saw that it was my planet - that we had done this - the seeds sowed so long ago blooming into great and terrible boughs that block out the sun. Only a corpse could've steered things so wrong. A place so dead, so barren, so lifeless that its stewards must've died in the crash - their heads slammed against the wheel, blood pooling down beneath the pedals. (I used to dream of a place - a windswept plain a sun obscured by clouds ash and snow, commingled, drifting down from a broken sky.
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